No Cash Christmas

Every year I tell myself next year will be different. 

Next year I'll be able to afford all my love ones the best christmas gifts. 

Stuff they really want rather then just something to say I thought of you, but I'm broke. 

And every year I am back to giving DIY gifts and stuff that doesn't cost much. 

I was feeling really bad about it this year, because earlier this year we were making really good money and probably could have afforded some really good gifts, but then my husband went into business for himself and although we aren't doing horrible we are at ground level and still aren't making much profit. So I'm back to creating gifts for everyone. 

I say "was feeling bad" because something I came across on Facebook really struck a cord with me. 

And it hit me. These gifts I am getting may not cost much, but they cost a lot of my time. Not just the work itself, but I thoughtfully consider each gift. Especially this year. There has been a lot of planning for each one and I've considering things they like, who they are, and what is something they would actually use. 

And something else... I don't HAVE to get anybody anything. In fact I feel like if I showed up with nothing nobody would think twice about it, but I do because I LOVE YA'LL and I want you to feel that this holiday season. 

I don't just give gifts to give gifts.

 I make gifts because I care! 

So if you feel like you can't afford Christmas this year don't break your bank account and go into debt for the ones you love. It isn't about the island you give, but the love behind it all.

When it's about love instead of loot your family is not going to care. They are going to just be happy you showed up and you thought of them. 

Not a Farmhouse

Who doesn't love Joanna Gains and Fixer Upper!? 

Her sleek, bright and farmhouse designs makes every women want to redo her entire house!

Every Women, but me...

Yeah I am not a fan!

Don't get me wrong it is beautiful and maybe one day when I am rich and have no kids I will consider the look, but for now it is unrealistic, and quite frankly stupid!

First of all... 

I have two babies. One who just turned 7 months and another who will be 2 this month, both of which are professional mess makers. There are crumbs in the couches, toys sprawled from one end of the house to the other, laundry piled to the ceiling and all breakables are far out of reach. 

Why on earth would I have a white or even a beige couch - It would be ruined in t-minus 5 minutes of being in the house? Why would I decorate with fragile, beautiful props through out when my 2 year old will throw it because he thinks it's a ball? Why, please someone tell me why I would paint my walls white just so my son can come wipe his Cheetos hands all over them causing them to now be orange? 

And do not tell me none of this has ever happened at your house- I don't need to hear about how your children are perfect and never make messes!

Secondly....

Although beautiful, in my unpopular opinion, it isn't homey. It looks like a magazine. I would always be worried about it staying looking perfect, which is impossible when you live there. You have to be able to live in your home. I used to have this friend who's mother had a "sitting room". It was off limits to us kids. She had priceless decorations, light colored furniture and rugs and it was not conducive for living in. It was merely there for looks. Why would I want my entire house to be like that? I rather have warm tones, comfy couches, and color. I hate everything being white! OMG its my biggest pet peeve. I love greens, and reds, teals, and good grief anything, but white! 

Lastly... 

It isn't budget friendly. Sure you can get deals here and there, but overall it's pricey. Especially if you are redoing your whole living space. And again in my house it wouldn't last so definitely not worth the money! 

My point to this post is if you see my house and it doesn't look all farmhouse and perfect don't judge me. I have my reasons. Thank you and God bless! 

2 under 2

In 2017 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. It was the quickest labor and birth I've ever heard of. I started having contractions at 6pm went to the hospital at 10pm and at 12am I had him. We named him Cooper Lawayne (middle name after his great grandpa, grandpa and dad). 8 months later I found out I was pregnant again. This one was not planned and to be perfectly honest not really wanted. 2 under 2?  I wasn't prepared for that kind of responsibility, that kind of chaos, but it was what it was and I came to terms with it and eventually was very excited about the little girl to come. May 7th 2019 she arrived, but not without fighting. Lord forbid it would be as easy as my first. A week before she siked us by causing mommy to have contractions, but we stopped at 3cm. Contractions, however did not subside 100%, and on May 7th they got unbearable. We went in about 9am, but once again I would not dilate and baby girl's heart rate kept dropping so a c section was necessary. At 1:23 Callie Sue (named after my grandma) made her arrival into the world.
Now people don't like to talk about pregnancy and birth or even life after. They tell you its beautiful and worth all the pain and when its not you feel like a failure as a mother. My first pregnancy although quick was crap. I was sick as a dog the entire pregnancy. thus causing my son to be itty bitty and come 3 almost 4 weeks early. Despite being little it hurt (got there too late for an epidural) and I literally crapped myself. Yeah they won't tell you that in any of the books you read. Recovery, however, was nothing in comparison to recovery after a c section, which was also crap in that I couldn't crap for over a week, or move without assistance or drugs. All the while taking care of newborn and a 1 1/2 year old. I am blessed though. I've always had loads of help from family, and church family. I can't even fathom doing this alone and to you women who do -more power to you!!!! I seriously hold you in high regard. Heck I hold any woman who has given birth and raise children in high regard. It is isn't easy, it isn't always beautiful and some days it really doesn't seem worth it. Yep, I just said what all moms everywhere are thinking. Some days suck! Some days are hard! Some days you want to crawl in a hole and not come out... ever. SN: postpartum depression is real and happens to even the best of mommies. Even with family and Jesus by your side.

But then some days your little boy comes up to you and gives you a kiss for no reason, crawls up into your lap and falls asleep ( right after destroying your living room of course). Some days the baby sleeps all through the night. ( or at least more then hour) Some days your hubby does the dishes without being asked and its in those small moments you remember who you are. You're somebodies mommy, somebodies wife, somebodies friend and you are worth something and life will go on after those sleepless nights, messy houses and dirty diapers. Life will go on...
and before you know it those messy houses and dirty diapers are no more. I am not there yet and won't be for sometime, but that is what they say. They also say to cherish these moments .... yeah I don't think any one cherishes a colicky baby who is not content unless held or eating, but its in those small moments. Those brief, sometimes subtle moments of contentment, sweetness amidst the chaos, or stillness amidst the mess. Its in those moments that you push on one more day, one more minute or even one more second and remember you are doing a fine job, you're a good mom, wife, friend- and you're a freaking awesome woman who's got this!

My house on any given day 

a rare moment of sweetness