That Crazy Pentecostal Girl

Since we were 10, us girls have thought about that special day. The day we leave our families, change our last name,  and spend the rest of our lives with that young man we thought only existed in our dreams. We plan that day as if it's in a couple days from who are bridesmaids will be,  what are dress will look like,  right down to the colors and flowers we will have.  We knew what kind of house we wanted to live in,  how many children we would have   and we even picked out names for these children. It's in woman's nature to be a wife and a mother.  Even the bible talks about all that woman should be... A submissive wife and caring mother.  We get our hopes up so high trying to find this "soul mate" And many of times we let guys get the best of us  and we are left heart broken and doubting such love exist.  Don't leave me hanging. I know I'm not the only one.  I thought I was go...

And Proud!  Frequent mood swings, weight fluctuations, cramps, babies, taking care of   a messy house, and never having anything to wear. Oh yes I love being a woman.  Caring and sweet personality, delicate frame, a since of innocence and purity. True beauty, inside and out. Strong, but submissive.  These are qualities we are suppose to have anyway. Although many times we find ourselves aggressive, impure, a mess, ugly and fat. Yep been there many times.  But yet I am proud to say I am a woman.... Lately I have been very involved in woman's ministry in my church and school.  I love it. I love giving woman hope and helping them find self worth.  Recently we had a ladies tea at my church. The theme was "True Beauty".  The kind you find inside not out.  See, unfortunately beauty fades. We get old, fat and ugly, but the beauty I'm talking about never fades. It's the kind of beauty that is found in women like Re...

I always pray God's perfect will in my life.  Lord do what you want with me.  Let it not be about me, but about you.  And I always seem to know what God's will is.  What it is He wants me to do.  And I always put Him first in my life. Always!  But I don't know that I've ever been more uncertain.  I mean I've doubted His will.  But I always known what His will was.  Even if it seemed impossible to reach.  But right now I'm not even sure I know what His will is.  I don't really feel like going into detail, but basically I had the money for school then my car broke down... It seems as though all the doors for Gateway are shutting.  I was so certain this is where God wanted me, but now I'm not so sure.  And if it's not, then what is?  Do I continue my education. Do I stay in Belleville. Or do I go elsewhere.  On top of all this I have other stresses with my family and a friend...

9 Month ago I began a journey called Gateway.  This is my last week for this year. It's all coming to a close.  Hopefully not an end. I recently found out I still owe a lot of money to the school.  And I didn't register on time so I have to wait till fall.  That on top of the fact that I've just about had it with this place,  from my things getting stolen,  Gaining 15 pounds...at least, At times feeling as though me and God's relationship has dwindled,  And at times feeling as though I don't fit in here.  But with all that being said I don't want to leave.  I know I'm confusing.  But truth be told I've never felt more at home and I know this is where God wants me. At least for now.  So why must it be so stressful.  Well, my Grandma made a valid point.  If everything was going good and was easy,  and the devil wasn't trying to knock you down, How would you know that this is ...

Recently I wrote a blog entitled "Woman of God" And I challanged God to bring on the light. To show me the things He wants me to change In order to be the woman he wants me to be.  Word of advice...don't ever challange God unless you yourself are ready for the challange. He succeeded the challange.  And it hurts. I knew it would though.  Now the key is how to change those things that He has brought to my attention? More prayer? More reading of the Word? More fasting? See my problem really lies in the timing.  I want to change NOW.  Not a year from now, but RIGHT NOW! And God is telling me, "slow down speed racer" See God is the Author of Time and I quickly forget that more often then not.  I also forget that the life that I live now is only the beginning.  It's only a fragment of time, but also what I do now may be all I ever do for God and I think that is why I'm so anxious for God to mold me and to use...

Tired, hungry, and angry, I was at my wit end sitting in the Atlanta Airport Wednesday night delayed because the plane I was on was broken. Until a man named Ray made his way over to my sister and I. He was a bit sketchy, not gonna lie, but he came over in desperate need of a phone. Of course I let him use it and I'm so glad I did because he made the rest of the night bearable . My sister and I were starving. Our mom told us we should get a voucher for food, but the line was super long for the front desk and I didn't want to make a fool of myself, but Ray was hungry too so he helped us out and got us vouchers. We spent the whole night with him, eating and conversing about everything and nothing. I'm pretty sure he was strung out on something, but something about him struck me. It wasn't his salt and pepper hair that was standing straight up. It wasn't his leather tanned skin or bug eyes. It wasn't how he kept saying my sister and I reminded him of his daughters....

Came home for spring break. Been here since Tuesday. It's been a bit bumpy...usually is. Arguing, complaining, a little laughter, a little tears. I've been trying to stay pretty neutral and let my Holy Ghost joy shine through, but that is not always the easiest thing to do. Needless to say I think I've failed. Really all I want is to see my family back in church. Back to the way things used to be. I was really thinking about it today. We all went to church. It being Easter in all, they all came. But I remember going, all of us, when it wasn't Easter. It was just a plain ole' Sunday morning. I miss that. And I know since I left they haven't gone much, if any at all. And it makes me wonder, if I came back would it help them. I don't think it would and God knows it wouldn't help me. I think the only way for them to come back is if they get a sudden realization of what Jesus did for them on Calvary. My family knows good and well what the bible says Jesus di...