That Crazy Pentecostal Girl

1 Corithians 13 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.   Love never fails.   Where are your priorities? What do you give importance to? At the end of the day... What really matters?   I was born and raised in the Apostolic faith....

Since I was 12 I felt a calling... Little did I know that calling was going to change my life entirely. It caused me to make different decisions then my peers,  friends and even family.  It drew me away from things and drew me closer to others.   Gave me joy  Gave me tears Sent me 1100 miles away from home to go to Bible College.  Now this calling  is make me feel out of place.  But not in a bad way....I suppose.  I sometimes feel alone.  Living off campus I get left out of a lot,  and don't really know what is going on. I also work a lot so I just don't have much time and when I do I like to spend it alone. It's been on my heart though lately.  It's kinda of a hard time for me.  Being alone.  But I was told the other day why I was dealing with this.  A teacher and I got to talking and he said did you ever think that possibly the reason you are going through this peri...

I have a pet Her name is Pearl Pearl is a ...Tarantula   I know I'm crazy, but discussing my craziness is not the agenda so moving on....     Spiders do this really cool thing called molting. They shed their outer skin because they are growing out of it and need new one. When they shed this skin they are truly a different creature. There skin is brighter and they themselves are more energetic.   Kind of like when we become new creatures in Christ. II Corinthians 5:17 We shed away are old skin and put on new. And when we do, we are new people. Filled with joy and God's light shinning in us.   Another reason Spiders molt is because they are pregnant. Thus she is growing.   I think this is where most people in the church are or need to be.   We have a new coat, a new identity in Christ. And now it's time to give birth.   Before the spider molts it will stop eating, it will drink a ton more tha...

Rihanna knew what she was talking about when she sung  "I want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world"   I'm really sick of guys!   I need three things.... Consistancy, Commitment, and Consideration.   You guys who say I'm beautiful one day then the next day pay no mind to me... I rather you leave me alone. I don't need you And I'm better off without you.   If you like me...tell me If you don't....then stop acting like you do.   I have feelings....and a heart.... and I rather them not be messed with.   I usually don't make post like this, but I needed to let off some steam!   Point is if I'm not everything you want and you don't want to treat me with respect and like the jewel that I am Then lets just be friends and call it day! God has someone special for me ... and chances are you're not him. The Spoken word by P4CM's Janette said it ...

Since we were 10, us girls have thought about that special day. The day we leave our families, change our last name,  and spend the rest of our lives with that young man we thought only existed in our dreams. We plan that day as if it's in a couple days from who are bridesmaids will be,  what are dress will look like,  right down to the colors and flowers we will have.  We knew what kind of house we wanted to live in,  how many children we would have   and we even picked out names for these children. It's in woman's nature to be a wife and a mother.  Even the bible talks about all that woman should be... A submissive wife and caring mother.  We get our hopes up so high trying to find this "soul mate" And many of times we let guys get the best of us  and we are left heart broken and doubting such love exist.  Don't leave me hanging. I know I'm not the only one.  I thought I was go...

And Proud!  Frequent mood swings, weight fluctuations, cramps, babies, taking care of   a messy house, and never having anything to wear. Oh yes I love being a woman.  Caring and sweet personality, delicate frame, a since of innocence and purity. True beauty, inside and out. Strong, but submissive.  These are qualities we are suppose to have anyway. Although many times we find ourselves aggressive, impure, a mess, ugly and fat. Yep been there many times.  But yet I am proud to say I am a woman.... Lately I have been very involved in woman's ministry in my church and school.  I love it. I love giving woman hope and helping them find self worth.  Recently we had a ladies tea at my church. The theme was "True Beauty".  The kind you find inside not out.  See, unfortunately beauty fades. We get old, fat and ugly, but the beauty I'm talking about never fades. It's the kind of beauty that is found in women like Re...

I always pray God's perfect will in my life.  Lord do what you want with me.  Let it not be about me, but about you.  And I always seem to know what God's will is.  What it is He wants me to do.  And I always put Him first in my life. Always!  But I don't know that I've ever been more uncertain.  I mean I've doubted His will.  But I always known what His will was.  Even if it seemed impossible to reach.  But right now I'm not even sure I know what His will is.  I don't really feel like going into detail, but basically I had the money for school then my car broke down... It seems as though all the doors for Gateway are shutting.  I was so certain this is where God wanted me, but now I'm not so sure.  And if it's not, then what is?  Do I continue my education. Do I stay in Belleville. Or do I go elsewhere.  On top of all this I have other stresses with my family and a friend...

9 Month ago I began a journey called Gateway.  This is my last week for this year. It's all coming to a close.  Hopefully not an end. I recently found out I still owe a lot of money to the school.  And I didn't register on time so I have to wait till fall.  That on top of the fact that I've just about had it with this place,  from my things getting stolen,  Gaining 15 pounds...at least, At times feeling as though me and God's relationship has dwindled,  And at times feeling as though I don't fit in here.  But with all that being said I don't want to leave.  I know I'm confusing.  But truth be told I've never felt more at home and I know this is where God wants me. At least for now.  So why must it be so stressful.  Well, my Grandma made a valid point.  If everything was going good and was easy,  and the devil wasn't trying to knock you down, How would you know that this is ...

Recently I wrote a blog entitled "Woman of God" And I challanged God to bring on the light. To show me the things He wants me to change In order to be the woman he wants me to be.  Word of advice...don't ever challange God unless you yourself are ready for the challange. He succeeded the challange.  And it hurts. I knew it would though.  Now the key is how to change those things that He has brought to my attention? More prayer? More reading of the Word? More fasting? See my problem really lies in the timing.  I want to change NOW.  Not a year from now, but RIGHT NOW! And God is telling me, "slow down speed racer" See God is the Author of Time and I quickly forget that more often then not.  I also forget that the life that I live now is only the beginning.  It's only a fragment of time, but also what I do now may be all I ever do for God and I think that is why I'm so anxious for God to mold me and to use...

Tired, hungry, and angry, I was at my wit end sitting in the Atlanta Airport Wednesday night delayed because the plane I was on was broken. Until a man named Ray made his way over to my sister and I. He was a bit sketchy, not gonna lie, but he came over in desperate need of a phone. Of course I let him use it and I'm so glad I did because he made the rest of the night bearable . My sister and I were starving. Our mom told us we should get a voucher for food, but the line was super long for the front desk and I didn't want to make a fool of myself, but Ray was hungry too so he helped us out and got us vouchers. We spent the whole night with him, eating and conversing about everything and nothing. I'm pretty sure he was strung out on something, but something about him struck me. It wasn't his salt and pepper hair that was standing straight up. It wasn't his leather tanned skin or bug eyes. It wasn't how he kept saying my sister and I reminded him of his daughters....

Came home for spring break. Been here since Tuesday. It's been a bit bumpy...usually is. Arguing, complaining, a little laughter, a little tears. I've been trying to stay pretty neutral and let my Holy Ghost joy shine through, but that is not always the easiest thing to do. Needless to say I think I've failed. Really all I want is to see my family back in church. Back to the way things used to be. I was really thinking about it today. We all went to church. It being Easter in all, they all came. But I remember going, all of us, when it wasn't Easter. It was just a plain ole' Sunday morning. I miss that. And I know since I left they haven't gone much, if any at all. And it makes me wonder, if I came back would it help them. I don't think it would and God knows it wouldn't help me. I think the only way for them to come back is if they get a sudden realization of what Jesus did for them on Calvary. My family knows good and well what the bible says Jesus di...

I find it annoying... How when I'm not in a relationship I so badly want to be in one, but once I do get one... I no longer want to be in one. I find myself single again. I was in a relationship with a really great guy. A guy I should have been happy with, but was not. I always find something wrong. I'm never content. It was last Saturday. I had just told him I just wanted to be friends. Yet, that same night I about ran out of gas and didn't have my credit card and he drove all the way out to my work to bring it to me...after I had pulled the friend card. I got off a 14 hour shift and was driving home. Not content. I wasn't content in the relationship, but I wasn't content with being single either. I was angry because this happens every time. I start talking to a guy, but then due to my un contentment I break things off with him...EVERY TIME! I was angry that I couldn't find happiness in any relationship... even great ones. So, I was complaining...

Vesta Mangun, Claudette Walker, Nona Freeman, My Grandma, My Pastor's Wife, Sis. Jordan, My Aunt CeCe, My Great Grandma Talk about some women who have changed my life. There are so many more too that I'm sure I've missed. A couple years ago someone asked me a question. She asked, "Why?, Why do you feel like you NEED to wear skirts and NEED to keep your hair uncut? Why is this so important to you?" Obviously there are a million answers to this, but in order to help her understand I dug down deep. I didn't want to throw scripture in her face, or my own convictions. What I said is .... There are women in my life who I look up to, women who have bettered my life, who have mentored me. Women who I hold in the highest regard and one thing all these women have in common is the holiness of God surrounding them and each of them hold a measure of modesty, holiness, and standards. Putting two and two together, I come to the conclusion that those two qualities go hand and...

Life is Stressful I'm going non stop all day, every day. Mon: 8-12 school, 12-1:30 work, 1:30-2:20 school, 2:30-3:30 work, 5-7 work Tues: work 12-2 and then my other job 3-11 Wednesday: 6:45-8 work, 8-2 school, 5-7 work, 7-9 church Thursday: 9-3 other job, 5-7 work Friday: 6:45-8 work, 8-12 school, 12-1:30 work, 1:30 - 2:20 school, 3-11 other job Saturday: other job 3-11 Sunday:church When I do I have a social life? I DON'T When do I clean my room? I DON'T When do I sleep? I DON'T!!! Am I stressed? YES!!!! But I know God has a plan, I'm doing this all for him. I think that's really what is getting me down. I putting all this time into making money so I can be here, but I'm not really here...I'm always working:( I've been working on this battered women shelter ministry for a month now. We finally settled things and are started a 4 week session every Tuesday night....I work every Tuesday night:( So, needless to say I'm pretty devastated . Lord, ...

So, I'm about to address the 600lb purple ape in the room that no one likes to talk about! LUST & ADDICTION TO PORNO I have met very few men in my life who have not at one point in time been addicted to pornography. Men are drawn by visuals. It's a proven fact. So, many times when you hear that a man was looking at porno you think nothing of it. That is his human nature. But did you know that 40% percent of the porno watched online is actually viewed by woman. NEWS FLASH {WOMAN DEAL WITH LUST TOO} The difference is we never talk about it becuase one, we figure no other woman deals with, second, it's not common, and third, people are going to think we are crazy. Especially as a christian woman, but fact is, YOU'RE NOT ALONE. We just aren't open about it. I'm one of these woman. Since I can remember I've delt with it. Without going into much detail I just want to show you it's not uncommon. Because I always thought it was. I thought I was some kind ...

...even if it is the last one! haha:D (Which by the way is NOT biblical) Anyway, I'm super excited about this upcoming year. I have so much going for me. God is working in my life! I got a job, a very good job! I will be an aid to disabled people. I don't have many details yet, but I'm sure ya'll will hear about it:) ~It's good hours, and good pay~ I'm excited about school. I was worried about paying for it, but God once again made a way! He continually does, and I still worry every time I'm in rough spot. I'm not sure why I do that. It's never even a rough spot. It's more like a hill in front of me and I can't see past it, but God is always waiting at the top to help me over...ALWAYS! I'm excited about what God has in store as well. I'm sure whatever it is, it is going to be magnificent and I want to be apart of it! I was once told that just because your technically not a minister yet does not mean you should not have a ministry alre...