That Crazy Pentecostal Girl

A few years ago I heard someone say something that has always resonated with me. I can't tell you who it was or what they even said verbatim, but the concept has been a steady ringing in my ear every time I go to pray.  They said something along the lines of  Every time I pray and ask God for things I end it with "but God Your will be done".  Now that seems simple enough, sure, but really it is harder then you realize because in saying that, if said truthfully, you are really saying "God even if what I want isn't what you want, that is okay".  I don't know about you, but I've prayed some prayers that I not only wanted, but desired strongly. Prayers that if God didn't take care of it, it would literally break me and I would ultimately suffer. Prayers that I just knew had to happen or else. Prayers that were really me begging and pleading with tears dripping down my face. And every time at the end I tend to say those words, "but God Y...

So I want to address a common misunderstanding. As you all know I affiliate myself with the UPC Pentecostal organization. Recently I've come to realize something. I've heard many folks say they disagree with the doctrine of the UPC, but I don't think they do really. It seems as though what they really disagree with is the standards or "rules" of the UPC, which is fine they are entitled to their beliefs as am I. I'm not here to put anyones beliefs down. I just want to address the misconception of the definition of these two terms. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING FOLKS! Let me repeat myself. Doctrine and standards ARE NOT the same! Let me explain. Doctrine definition : a belief or set of beliefs held and taught by a Church, political party, or other group. Standards definition: a level of quality or attainment. Doctrine is what we believe (What the bible teaches) in regards to salvation. Standards are a model by which we live our lives. Although they go hand in h...

Those that know me or think they know me always assume I have this hard exterior. I'm blunt and I come across as aggressive or even mean. I've always seen myself as strong, passionate, honest and empowered, but I know most people don't see it that way. I come across like I just don't care. I don't care about anyone, but me and my people and that I don't care what people think of me. Of course most of that couldn't be farther from the truth, but some of it I've been told it for so long that I believed it and just rolled with it. However, I've changed a lot in the last couple years. A LOT! Although I am still strong, passionate, honest and empowered. I also have become a lot more sensitive. I've, for the past two years, chalked it up to being pregnant and my hormones all out of wack, but I'm not pregnant any more....  I may come across like I don't care, but in fact it's the complete opposite. I care too much. I used to think I just go...

I recently became a mom of 2. I have little boy who just turned 2 and little 8 month old girl. They are my world of course as any good momma would say. But I am also very involved in the ministry of my church and Jesus is my number 1. I'm about to share some facts about ministry and mommy hood that for some reason no one talks about.... IT AIN'T EASY. Heck it ain't even easy to even get us all to church on time and presentable and then sit quietly during church all the while getting spiritually fed. Honestly most services I don't. Most services I'm sitting there managing my children, changing diapers, feeding, and putting them to sleep. All that plus teaching class, or singing on the praise team it doesn't leave much time for a midweek refreshing. And the few short moments where they are quiet and I can finally sit and listen to the preacher don't add up to much at the end of the day. There are many Sundays I find myself questioning what is the poin...

Every year I tell myself next year will be different.  Next year I'll be able to afford all my love ones the best christmas gifts.  Stuff they really want rather then just something to say I thought of you, but I'm broke.  And every year I am back to giving DIY gifts and stuff that doesn't cost much.  I was feeling really bad about it this year, because earlier this year we were making really good money and probably could have afforded some really good gifts, but then my husband went into business for himself and although we aren't doing horrible we are at ground level and still aren't making much profit. So I'm back to creating gifts for everyone.  I say "was feeling bad" because something I came across on Facebook really struck a cord with me.  And it hit me. These gifts I am getting may not cost much, but they cost a lot of my time. Not just the work itself, but I thoughtfully consider each gift. Especially this year. Ther...

Who doesn't love Joanna Gains and Fixer Upper!?  Her sleek, bright and farmhouse designs makes every women want to redo her entire house! Every Women, but me... Yeah I am not a fan! Don't get me wrong it is beautiful and maybe one day when I am rich and have no kids I will consider the look, but for now it is unrealistic, and quite frankly stupid! First of all...  I have two babies. One who just turned 7 months and another who will be 2 this month, both of which are professional mess makers. There are crumbs in the couches, toys sprawled from one end of the house to the other, laundry piled to the ceiling and all breakables are far out of reach.  Why on earth would I have a white or even a beige couch - It would be ruined in t-minus 5 minutes of being in the house? Why would I decorate with fragile, beautiful props through out when my 2 year old will throw it because he thinks it's a ball? Why, please someone tell me why I would paint my walls white just ...

In 2017 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. It was the quickest labor and birth I've ever heard of. I started having contractions at 6pm went to the hospital at 10pm and at 12am I had him. We named him Cooper Lawayne (middle name after his great grandpa, grandpa and dad). 8 months later I found out I was pregnant again. This one was not planned and to be perfectly honest not really wanted. 2 under 2?  I wasn't prepared for that kind of responsibility, that kind of chaos, but it was what it was and I came to terms with it and eventually was very excited about the little girl to come. May 7th 2019 she arrived, but not without fighting. Lord forbid it would be as easy as my first. A week before she siked us by causing mommy to have contractions, but we stopped at 3cm. Contractions, however did not subside 100%, and on May 7th they got unbearable. We went in about 9am, but once again I would not dilate and baby girl's heart rate kept dropping so a c section was necessary. At ...