A Life of Singleness

I find it annoying...

How when I'm not in a relationship I so badly want to be in one, but once I do get one... I no longer want to be in one.

I find myself single again. I was in a relationship with a really great guy. A guy I should have been happy with, but was not. I always find something wrong. I'm never content.

It was last Saturday. I had just told him I just wanted to be friends. Yet, that same night I about ran out of gas and didn't have my credit card and he drove all the way out to my work to bring it to me...after I had pulled the friend card. I got off a 14 hour shift and was driving home. Not content. I wasn't content in the relationship, but I wasn't content with being single either. I was angry because this happens every time. I start talking to a guy, but then due to my uncontentment I break things off with him...EVERY TIME! I was angry that I couldn't find happiness in any relationship... even great ones.

So, I was complaining to God about it...of course. I was driving home and he brought to my attention something I read in a book I was reading. The book is Cara's Call by David Norris. There is point in the book where Cara finds herself at the altar alone one night after cleaning the church, giving God the reigns of her heart and if that means living a life of singleness, then so be it.

I started laughing. God ok I love you, but that just can't happen. I want a baby, lots of babies lol.

and husband, I really do.

I would love to say that, but I know even if I do, I won't be able to say it and actually mean it.

All of the sudden my eyes were drawn to the moon above me.

Have you ever found it cool that no matter where you are, or how many turns you take, you can still see the moon, in fact the moon never really moves? Kinda like God in our lives?

Well that night while I was driving it was to the right of me, but it started coming right in front of me as if I was driving right towards it and as it was God started speaking to me!

He told me that I wasn't going to live a life of singleness, but that he wanted me to give Him the reigns of my heart even if it means I may be single for while. He told me I should be content in that. I'm not alone. Is His love not enough? Is He not enough? He should be the guy I bring with me to church. He should be the guy I bring home to my parents. He should be the guy next to me that I introduce to all my friends and for right now He is the only guy I need and the only guy I will be content with.

So, I'm content with where I'm at and I'm lucky to have such an amazing guy in my life!

Love You Lord<3

Jude 1:21
keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ

Love,

Ally

Woman of God

Vesta Mangun, Claudette Walker, Nona Freeman, My Grandma, My Pastor's Wife,
Sis. Jordan, My Aunt CeCe, My Great Grandma

Talk about some women who have changed my life.

There are so many more too that I'm sure I've missed.

A couple years ago someone asked me a question.
She asked, "Why?, Why do you feel like you NEED to wear skirts and NEED to keep your hair uncut? Why is this so important to you?"

Obviously there are a million answers to this, but in order to help her understand I dug down deep. I didn't want to throw scripture in her face, or my own convictions. What I said is ....

There are women in my life who I look up to, women who have bettered my life, who have mentored me. Women who I hold in the highest regard and one thing all these women have in common is the holiness of God surrounding them and each of them hold a measure of modesty, holiness, and standards. Putting two and two together, I come to the conclusion that those two qualities go hand and hand. I want to be those women when I grow up. I want God's holiness to surround me. I want people, when they look at me not to see me, but rather to see Jesus in me.

Of course standards and modesty aren't the only thing that is going to get me to that place. There are so many other things I have to change!
SO MANY
So many that I was getting discouraged. I felt like it was an impossible feat, but recently God sent someone to give me a revelation.

Sis. Walker put it like this.

When I go into a bathroom that is dimly lit and look into the mirror ...I see nothing wrong with my skin, I'm looking pretty good today, but if I go into a bathroom with bright lights and look into the mirror...I see all my imperfections, all the zits, lines, and grey hairs.
It's the same spiritually. When I get closer to God's glory and light, His light will show me my imperfections, the things I need to change. Not because God wants me to feel horrible about my self, but so that I will become the woman of God he wants me to be.


So, bring on the light Lord...

I'm ready to change!!!

with love,
Ally