Bloom Where Planted

When I decide to write a blog it usually is not just one thing that leads me to do so. Usually its a slew of moments, situations, epiphanies and so on that make me say "ok God I hear you". This time was no different, in fact, because I've been so busy it took multiple things to get my attention. One of those things was a simple Facebook post that caught my attention, and I shared. It talked about ministry and how ministry is every day. Its not just about preaching a sermon, or singing a song at church. It it's not partial to the pulpit. It goes beyond that. It starts with being like Jesus and loving people and sharing the gospel in the streets and in my opinion that is even more important. Another thing is just everything going on in our world today. There is so much hurt, and hate and ultimately the world doesn't need another preacher or a great choir singer, they need Christians to act like Christ and to love them and show them compassion. Anyways the third thing was this picture. 

So I found this super cute idea on Pinterest of course, as I do all my good ideas. Make a cinder block into a planter. I just want to put a disclaimer out there- I DO NOT HAVE A GREEN THUMB. So, with that being said this was bound to fail, but nevertheless it still taught me a valuable lesson. (besides I shouldn't do gardening) 

Anyways I painted this cute little saying on here before I knew the outcome of these plants. Not knowing that they would indeed not bloom where planted lol okay in all seriousness this just amazed me. How could one flower bloom and do beautifully and the other, whose dirt is the same and location is the same, literally look like it was poisoned? I'm sure there is some scientific reason, but for arguments sake I think it was a God thing. He knew I needed this message. 

BLOOM WHERE PLANTED! 

I recently was able to visit some family in Florida and here in Arkansas and go to their churches. Both of which are bigger churches with great music, great preaching, and have awesome nurseries where you can still listen to the preaching while the kids play. Disclaimer (before I carry on) : I love my church! But my flesh sometimes gets the best of me while at these big churches and I get to thinking about how nice it would be to sing with them, or how nice it would be to have such a nice facility for the kids.  I could literally never leave my church though, they are family, but it doesn't stop my mind from wondering. What if? It is so easy to be like that plant on the left, dying, bitter, and refusing to grow because the location or circumstances in life were not all you thought they should be.

I'll see memories from when I went to Urshan Bible Collage and was so hopeful of my future, and full of dreams and aspirations. I thought I'd travel the world preaching, and singing, but God had other plans. I'm always thinking, "Well I'm still young who knows what will happen".  Although I still feel like God has plans for my ministry to blossom into something different, I can also blossom where I am now. I can still do ministry without a pulpit or big church. Beyond just being used in my home church there is ministry all around me that needs to be done. Lives that need to be touched, hearts that need love and compassion, and my babies who look to me everyday for what it means to love Jesus and people. 

For years I've prayed for God to use me and to open doors and all this time he has and I've been blind to it. So my prayer now is "God open my eyes to those in need, open the doors for me to touch lives, and open my heart to you that I may grow and show the world who you are by being more like you. 

I'm ready to bloom where you planted me!"

Psalms 1:3 

And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

Where is Your Worth?

I've been having specific people and burdens come to my heart during my prayer time. I've felt peoples pains, fears, and struggles. Especially during these unprecedented times. During these prayers a simple thought has come to mind. Where is your worth? I felt this was the perfect post for mother's day.

As women we have a many things weighing on our shoulders. See we set a standard for ourselves, a goal if you will and we all do it. We want certain things for our lives, for our home, for our children, etc and all the above. Or we feel like we aren't where we should be in life at this point. We haven't accomplished all that we wanted or things just didn't go the way we intended. I find myself comparing myself often to friends that seem to have it more put together and I want that for my home and my family.  It's easy to do and it's not necessarily wrong either. It good for us to want more, be more, have the best for our family, be the best versions of ourselves we possibly can be. We are always looking for ways to be content with who we are, and what we have and until we get it we are pressing toward that mark, steadily reaching for our goals and trying to fill that longing. Until we do and then we are on to the next chapter, faze, or ambition and goal to fulfill. Once again nothing wrong with this. We should be pushing to great things, be great people. But often, for me anyways, I've found myself still not content.

When I was young I had a standard on what I wanted in a man. I had a whole list ya'll and I refused to settle for less (I'm glad I didn't). At the time however I was told by people I needed to lower my standards, or that I was too picky or my favorite, I wasn't good enough for the man I wanted. At the time it utterly broke me. I was like 19-20 years old and I was having heart to heart crying fits with the Lord thinking I was gonna die alone. Looking back it was silly, but at the time it was a real concern of mine and I allowed it to get to me more then it should, and it allowed me to get hurt more then I should have let it. The problem was that I put my worth in finding a man and being a good gf/wife. I thought that was the epitome of my worth. If I could just find me a good, Godly man I will have it made in the world. I was wrong.

I was blessed with this Godly man a few years later when I decided it wasn't worth fretting any more and I focused on God, but then it was on to my next chapter. Motherhood. I wanted a baby so bad it hurt. Between my husband not being ready, and it taking time to conceive it would be 3 years before I would become a mom. Once again I found myself feeling worthless. Like I wasn't good enough. Like God didn't think I was good enough. I remember I had a dog that died and of course it broke me, but my first thought was, "well maybe that is why God won't give me a child, because he knows I won't be able to keep it alive." I know it sounds absurd looking back, but when you are wanting a child so bad and it doesn't happen you come up with all kinds of reasons as to why its not. Truth be told it just wasn't our time yet.

Now I find myself more like what I mentioned before, not where I should be at this point. I expected to be more involved in ministry and doing more for His kingdom. I want to reach more souls, and be a voice with hope and love across the nation, but instead I have a hard time reaching even the souls in my life and it bogs me down sometimes. I feel as though I'm not talented enough, not worthy of such a calling or it just isn't God's will for my life. Of course I have no idea what the future holds and even writing this I write with hesitancy because of the transparency of it, but there it is. I also want nice things for my family; a nice home, filled with warm and inviting decor, nice clothes (what girl doesn't), I'd love to be able to get my husband a new truck and the list could go on. I'd love to continue my education and be an administrator of some kind. Lofty goals and silly wants and desires, but all real nonetheless.

As I mentioned wanting to be a wife, wanting to have children and even now wanting a good life for this family I've been blessed with or to do more for God is a wonderful ambition, but it can not be where I find my worth because I will always fall short. I'm not always the perfect wife, and mother. I do not have the nicest home, the best paying job, and I'm not skinny and hott lol ( not that, that is a goal for me, but for some it may be). I'm not all those things because I am HUMAN!!!!
Read that with me YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN! 
And guess what human's fail. That is okay, but it is also why our worth can not only be in ourselves or earthly things. We will never be content. Humanity in it of itself is unfulfilling. It's fleeting.

The bible says in Matthew 6:19-20 "Lay not up for yourself treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourself treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt and where thieves do not break through nor steal."

You ever heard the phrase don't put all your eggs in one basket? All these things are and can be beautiful and there is nothing wrong with wanting them, but if that is where all your trust, hope and faith is- if that is all you think you need to be worthy and you fall short, you will find yourself less fulfilled then before. You have to put a little more worth in your heavenly Father.

You don't need a man to be worthy
You don't need a child to be worthy
You don't need beauty to be worthy
You don't need a degree to be worthy
You don't need nice things to be worthy

Yes, all those things can give you worth, but, God says you are already worthy!

Proverbs 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies."

So, sisters where is your worth today? I pray you find it in God for he is and always will be everlasting.

Not My Will, But God's

A few years ago I heard someone say something that has always resonated with me. I can't tell you who it was or what they even said verbatim, but the concept has been a steady ringing in my ear every time I go to pray. 

They said something along the lines of 

Every time I pray and ask God for things I end it with "but God Your will be done". 

Now that seems simple enough, sure, but really it is harder then you realize because in saying that, if said truthfully, you are really saying "God even if what I want isn't what you want, that is okay". 

I don't know about you, but I've prayed some prayers that I not only wanted, but desired strongly. Prayers that if God didn't take care of it, it would literally break me and I would ultimately suffer. Prayers that I just knew had to happen or else. Prayers that were really me begging and pleading with tears dripping down my face. And every time at the end I tend to say those words, "but God Your will be done". 

However do I really mean it? Do I really mean if it's not Your will Lord that will be okay? Will I be okay if my friend doesn't get healed from Cancer or if my desires and dreams are not met, but rather redirected. Am I still going to keep on going, keep on worshiping, keep on living for God if He doesn't answer my prayers the way I want them to be answered? 

There is this country song that sings, "Some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers" 

It really is a beautiful thing if you think about all the prayers you prayed and you used to wish for certain things that maybe now have turned out for the better, but then there are prayers that weren't answered and we question God and His power. We question our beliefs and we are discouraged because although somewhere in our heart of hearts we know all things happen for a reason and work together for good to them that love God (Romans 8:28) we are hurt, broken and don't see how this is for the best. For years I was angry about a situation that was out of my control. I prayed all the time for circumstances to be different and I still to this day pray for these people. I, many nights, cried myself to sleep or whaled in my prayer closet asking God to change things, to change their hearts, to help me and it never happened. I eventually moved on and went to bible college and found myself ministering to people who had experienced the same circumstances and I learned then why God allowed those things to happen. My heart still breaks for them and as I said I still pray for them daily. I'm not here to say you should get to that point of peace instantly, I'm not even there entirely myself and I'm dealing with some more unanswered prayers now that I feel God is going to end up answering them differently then I want, but I am here to say its possible. God loves you and everything he does serves a purpose. 

That is a hard thing swallow sometimes.

 A lot of times.

 You may not be at the place to accept that message yet, but one day someone will come along who has dealt with the same burdens and trials you have endured and you will be the voice of hope and love that they need and it will give some light to your darkness. If I could go back and change things I would, but I can't, but I can take something the devil meant for evil and the world meant to hurt me with and make something beautiful out of it and learn to lean not on my own understanding, but trust in the Lord for His ways are higher then my ways and His thoughts are higher then my thoughts. He is my comforter, my peacemaker, and my rock. If all else fails I know that at least I am not fighting this battle alone. 

So I will continue to pray

Not my will, but God's

Doctrine Vs. Standards

So I want to address a common misunderstanding. As you all know I affiliate myself with the UPC Pentecostal organization. Recently I've come to realize something. I've heard many folks say they disagree with the doctrine of the UPC, but I don't think they do really. It seems as though what they really disagree with is the standards or "rules" of the UPC, which is fine they are entitled to their beliefs as am I. I'm not here to put anyones beliefs down. I just want to address the misconception of the definition of these two terms. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING FOLKS!

Let me repeat myself. Doctrine and standards ARE NOT the same!

Let me explain.

Doctrine definition : a belief or set of beliefs held and taught by a Church, political party, or other group.

Standards definition: a level of quality or attainment.

Doctrine is what we believe (What the bible teaches) in regards to salvation.

Standards are a model by which we live our lives.

Although they go hand in hand (in my opinion) they are not the same!

I say all this because honestly its disheartening to see people bashing the UPC like we are a bunch of crazies that think if you don't wear a skirt all the time you're going to hell. That is a bunch of nonsense, we do not think pants will send you to hell and if anyone tells you differently do not listen to them. 

(Although I think everything you do is either leading you closer to God or further from Him. So why would you not want to do more for him rather then less?)

What we do believe is that once you are saved your outward appearance should reflect the inward.

We do believe that we have power with the angels because of our uncut hair.

And we do believe that in living in obedience to your pastor and to the word of God and sacrificing such a small thing to God we are blessed and highly favored. 1 Samuel 15:22 
We are set apart as the scripture asks us to and without speaking a word our actions and the way we dress speaks volumes.

Can it be done in vain? Yes, because humans aren't perfect. I know some people often think we are a bunch of judgmental prudes and of course you have your handful that seem that way, but most of us just love Jesus and are doing what we believe is right and we want to bring along as many folks as possible. 

Anyways what I really want to do is focus on the difference between doctrine and standards. 

Doctrine ( once again to remind folks, is what we believe IS a heaven matter)

Standards ( a measure by which we hold ourselves to be holy and separate from the world)


Doctrine says, "Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call." Acts 2:38-39


Standards says, "But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy." 1 Peter 1:15-17


Doctrine says, "One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all." Ephesians 4:5-6


Standards says, "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. 1 Timothy 2: 9-10


Doctrine says, "Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again." John 3:5-7

Standards says, "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you" 2 Corinthians 6:17

Doctrine says, "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:" Deuteronomy 6:5

Standards says, "But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven. For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered..... For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels....Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.

Doctrine says, "Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved." Acts 4:12

I literally could go on and on, but I think my point has been made.

Standards do not save you, but they help keep your salvation. I was told it this way years ago...

Your Holy Ghost, which is what saves you, is locked in a box (your heart) that is locked in your house (holy living) and around your house is fence (standards). Some may feel it isn't necessary, but it helps guard your heart and it shows the world that there is something valuable on the inside. It is a reflection of the inside.

Ultimately we want you to come regardless. That means come as you are. No body will make you do anything, but you will see many who do follow these "rules". Specifically those in leadership. (because leaders, regardless of where you are; church, school, work, are held to a higher standard, right?) However it is not because we think we are better, and its definitely not because we are perfect, but because we our guarding our salvation and because we know that Jesus is more than worth such a small sacrifice. (and many other reasons that I will gladly answer and talk about if you want to know more, but that is for another time).

I know not everyone will agree with this and I feel like this is such a deeper subject than this measly little blog can justly explain, but hopefully it clarifies some things. I also know not every church follows this practice of loving first and salvation being the #1 priority, but I think you will find most do.

Caring Too Much

Those that know me or think they know me always assume I have this hard exterior. I'm blunt and I come across as aggressive or even mean. I've always seen myself as strong, passionate, honest and empowered, but I know most people don't see it that way. I come across like I just don't care. I don't care about anyone, but me and my people and that I don't care what people think of me. Of course most of that couldn't be farther from the truth, but some of it I've been told it for so long that I believed it and just rolled with it. However, I've changed a lot in the last couple years. A LOT!
Although I am still strong, passionate, honest and empowered. I also have become a lot more sensitive. I've, for the past two years, chalked it up to being pregnant and my hormones all out of wack, but I'm not pregnant any more.... 
I may come across like I don't care, but in fact it's the complete opposite. I care too much. I used to think I just got annoyed with people easily. My husband tells me I stress too much over other people's circumstances that are out of my control. It's not annoyance though and I'm not stressed. I'm hurting. I think about people often. Especially those not living for God anymore. Those who are hurting or those living with the consequences of their mistakes. I lay awake at night contemplating what I could say to you to help you and show you God's love. Most nights I realize there are no words, my words will just fall short, so instead I just pray. With tears rolling down my face I pray. 
Many say I am blunt, but to me I am merely honest to a fault. I've learned to stay quiet when needed, but if we are close I will be brutely honest with you. Not because I think your stupid or do not care about your feelings, but rather because I care so deeply. I refuse to stay silent if something needs to be said. But as I mentioned I've learned to keep my mouth shut when needed. I've learned this with my own family that sometimes words will only do more damage then good. So I learned at a young age sometimes all you can do is pray. So I do. I pray for you every day! I don't say this to toot my horn. Believe me I am in as much disbelief as you are, but in those prayers God revealed to me that I'm not crazy lol  I am just sensitive to people's hurt so that I can pray for them. I don't have all the answers myself. I don't claim to have my life together. I certainly have hurts of my own, but just know I pray for you and if you need a nonjudgmental shoulder to cry or confide in I am here. I may not have the best advice, but I will do what I can and if nothing else I will pray! 
I love you deeply. You know who are. 

The Ministry of Motherhood

I recently became a mom of 2. I have little boy who just turned 2 and little 8 month old girl. They are my world of course as any good momma would say.

But I am also very involved in the ministry of my church and Jesus is my number 1. I'm about to share some facts about ministry and mommy hood that for some reason no one talks about....

IT AIN'T EASY.

Heck it ain't even easy to even get us all to church on time and presentable and then sit quietly during church all the while getting spiritually fed. Honestly most services I don't. Most services I'm sitting there managing my children, changing diapers, feeding, and putting them to sleep. All that plus teaching class, or singing on the praise team it doesn't leave much time for a midweek refreshing. And the few short moments where they are quiet and I can finally sit and listen to the preacher don't add up to much at the end of the day.

There are many Sundays I find myself questioning what is the point of even coming. It is so much work with little reward it seems and if I wasn't so grounded in my beliefs and the importance of a pastor, and church family I don't think I would be there most weeks.

I love teaching Sunday school, singing, and being youth leaders, but sometimes it feels as though my kids hinder us from all we could be doing ....

Then a Sunday rolls around where I'm sitting there watching my children from the pulpit as I am leading worship and I see them raising their hands worshiping Jesus and I am checked in my spirit. If all ever do is lead my children to Jesus and they live long, happy lives knowing who he is, living for him then I have done more then I could have ever dreamed of.

I asked my grandma about this long before I was married and had children. I was going to bible school at the time, and I remember wondering why my Grandma was "just the ladies minister". (Not that there is anything wrong with that) She was such a Godly women, who was an intercessor, prayer warrior and was always in the Word studying. She had and still has the sweetest of spirits and always has the right thing to say. She could have made a great minister of the word. I guess in my bible college mind I just could see her doing so much more and so I asked her about it one day. Her response stuck with me and although at the time it stuck with me because I couldn't grasp it, now that I am older with kids of my own I get it on a whole other level. She told me her most important ministry was being a mom. She said it with much more eloquence then that, but nevertheless it is so true.

The bible says to "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." -Proverbs 22:6

It also tell us in Corinthians that we have power with the angels and that as women in the house our prayers can save our family.

My pastor also made a great point the other day. In Ephesians 10 we learn about the Armour of God. Something I've never noticed before and that he shed light on was that the only part of the body that isn't covered is the back. That is why it is important to have your husbands back in submission and prayer. For as he is the head of house, your prayers help cover that house!

That is some powerful prayers.

My folks no longer go to church, but their life and guidance when I was young still makes an impact on my life. I remember going to church early because we had to set up gifts for the missionary and staying late to help clean the church. Sometimes I feel like I am doing an inadequate job in ministry because of my kids or I am doing inadequate job as a mother because of my ministry, but in reality they go hand in hand. My children are learning to put God first and my youth group and fellow church members (specifically those fellow momma's) are seeing it can be done and even more so NEEDS to be done!
I know it can be hard Momma, but...

Don't give up on God and church because of kids, but rather get more involved, become even more faithful, make sure your children know who Jesus is!

No Cash Christmas

Every year I tell myself next year will be different. 

Next year I'll be able to afford all my love ones the best christmas gifts. 

Stuff they really want rather then just something to say I thought of you, but I'm broke. 

And every year I am back to giving DIY gifts and stuff that doesn't cost much. 

I was feeling really bad about it this year, because earlier this year we were making really good money and probably could have afforded some really good gifts, but then my husband went into business for himself and although we aren't doing horrible we are at ground level and still aren't making much profit. So I'm back to creating gifts for everyone. 

I say "was feeling bad" because something I came across on Facebook really struck a cord with me. 

And it hit me. These gifts I am getting may not cost much, but they cost a lot of my time. Not just the work itself, but I thoughtfully consider each gift. Especially this year. There has been a lot of planning for each one and I've considering things they like, who they are, and what is something they would actually use. 

And something else... I don't HAVE to get anybody anything. In fact I feel like if I showed up with nothing nobody would think twice about it, but I do because I LOVE YA'LL and I want you to feel that this holiday season. 

I don't just give gifts to give gifts.

 I make gifts because I care! 

So if you feel like you can't afford Christmas this year don't break your bank account and go into debt for the ones you love. It isn't about the island you give, but the love behind it all.

When it's about love instead of loot your family is not going to care. They are going to just be happy you showed up and you thought of them. 

Not a Farmhouse

Who doesn't love Joanna Gains and Fixer Upper!? 

Her sleek, bright and farmhouse designs makes every women want to redo her entire house!

Every Women, but me...

Yeah I am not a fan!

Don't get me wrong it is beautiful and maybe one day when I am rich and have no kids I will consider the look, but for now it is unrealistic, and quite frankly stupid!

First of all... 

I have two babies. One who just turned 7 months and another who will be 2 this month, both of which are professional mess makers. There are crumbs in the couches, toys sprawled from one end of the house to the other, laundry piled to the ceiling and all breakables are far out of reach. 

Why on earth would I have a white or even a beige couch - It would be ruined in t-minus 5 minutes of being in the house? Why would I decorate with fragile, beautiful props through out when my 2 year old will throw it because he thinks it's a ball? Why, please someone tell me why I would paint my walls white just so my son can come wipe his Cheetos hands all over them causing them to now be orange? 

And do not tell me none of this has ever happened at your house- I don't need to hear about how your children are perfect and never make messes!

Secondly....

Although beautiful, in my unpopular opinion, it isn't homey. It looks like a magazine. I would always be worried about it staying looking perfect, which is impossible when you live there. You have to be able to live in your home. I used to have this friend who's mother had a "sitting room". It was off limits to us kids. She had priceless decorations, light colored furniture and rugs and it was not conducive for living in. It was merely there for looks. Why would I want my entire house to be like that? I rather have warm tones, comfy couches, and color. I hate everything being white! OMG its my biggest pet peeve. I love greens, and reds, teals, and good grief anything, but white! 

Lastly... 

It isn't budget friendly. Sure you can get deals here and there, but overall it's pricey. Especially if you are redoing your whole living space. And again in my house it wouldn't last so definitely not worth the money! 

My point to this post is if you see my house and it doesn't look all farmhouse and perfect don't judge me. I have my reasons. Thank you and God bless! 

2 under 2

In 2017 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. It was the quickest labor and birth I've ever heard of. I started having contractions at 6pm went to the hospital at 10pm and at 12am I had him. We named him Cooper Lawayne (middle name after his great grandpa, grandpa and dad). 8 months later I found out I was pregnant again. This one was not planned and to be perfectly honest not really wanted. 2 under 2?  I wasn't prepared for that kind of responsibility, that kind of chaos, but it was what it was and I came to terms with it and eventually was very excited about the little girl to come. May 7th 2019 she arrived, but not without fighting. Lord forbid it would be as easy as my first. A week before she siked us by causing mommy to have contractions, but we stopped at 3cm. Contractions, however did not subside 100%, and on May 7th they got unbearable. We went in about 9am, but once again I would not dilate and baby girl's heart rate kept dropping so a c section was necessary. At 1:23 Callie Sue (named after my grandma) made her arrival into the world.
Now people don't like to talk about pregnancy and birth or even life after. They tell you its beautiful and worth all the pain and when its not you feel like a failure as a mother. My first pregnancy although quick was crap. I was sick as a dog the entire pregnancy. thus causing my son to be itty bitty and come 3 almost 4 weeks early. Despite being little it hurt (got there too late for an epidural) and I literally crapped myself. Yeah they won't tell you that in any of the books you read. Recovery, however, was nothing in comparison to recovery after a c section, which was also crap in that I couldn't crap for over a week, or move without assistance or drugs. All the while taking care of newborn and a 1 1/2 year old. I am blessed though. I've always had loads of help from family, and church family. I can't even fathom doing this alone and to you women who do -more power to you!!!! I seriously hold you in high regard. Heck I hold any woman who has given birth and raise children in high regard. It is isn't easy, it isn't always beautiful and some days it really doesn't seem worth it. Yep, I just said what all moms everywhere are thinking. Some days suck! Some days are hard! Some days you want to crawl in a hole and not come out... ever. SN: postpartum depression is real and happens to even the best of mommies. Even with family and Jesus by your side.

But then some days your little boy comes up to you and gives you a kiss for no reason, crawls up into your lap and falls asleep ( right after destroying your living room of course). Some days the baby sleeps all through the night. ( or at least more then hour) Some days your hubby does the dishes without being asked and its in those small moments you remember who you are. You're somebodies mommy, somebodies wife, somebodies friend and you are worth something and life will go on after those sleepless nights, messy houses and dirty diapers. Life will go on...
and before you know it those messy houses and dirty diapers are no more. I am not there yet and won't be for sometime, but that is what they say. They also say to cherish these moments .... yeah I don't think any one cherishes a colicky baby who is not content unless held or eating, but its in those small moments. Those brief, sometimes subtle moments of contentment, sweetness amidst the chaos, or stillness amidst the mess. Its in those moments that you push on one more day, one more minute or even one more second and remember you are doing a fine job, you're a good mom, wife, friend- and you're a freaking awesome woman who's got this!

My house on any given day 

a rare moment of sweetness 

A Smile A Day Makes the Frowns Go Away

It was Mother Teresa who said, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” Have you ever encountered a person and maybe you knew them, maybe you didn’t, but they just had a smug attitude or even just a smug face and they just kind of dampened your day? Now think of time you encountered someone who was chipper and full of life. Maybe they said something to you or maybe they just threw a smile in your direction. How did that make you feel?

I have a natural stink face. I look smug on most days even when I’m in a super great mood. My chill face reads “Hi, my name is Allyson and I will bite you if you come near me.” I try to remember to smile, but when I’m tired or thinking there comes that face that every asks, “Are you ok? Why are you so mad?” I’m fine this is just what my face looks like. I have an aggressive tone in my voice also. When I’m busy, stressed, or trying to make a point, which doesn’t help my facial expression. Most people, once they get to know me, tell me before they knew me they thought I was stuck up or that I didn’t like them. Truth of the matter is I’m really shy before you get to know me. Once I’m comfortable around you, you can’t get me to shut up and it doesn’t take much for me to get comfortable around people, but unless you initiate the conversation first I’m not speaking.

Now this something I’ve always known about myself and have heard for years, but recently someone mentioned it to me and it really struck me as a surprise. I had one of my girlfriends mention she thought I didn’t like her when she first met me. She was told I was this really good soprano from Urshan, and her being a soprano herself she was intimated, that was until I said a few small words that didn’t take much effort and I don’t even remember saying, but she says this was the turning point in her view towards me. One day, after she had sung, I told her she did a good job on her song. That was it. Nothing fancy. Nothing memorable. I didn’t get out of my comfort zone. I just spoke kindness and a friendship was born.

Now imagine if I spoke kindness everywhere I went to everyone I met? How would my life change? What kind of friends would I have? The number of friends I would have? The simple act of kindness can change a person’s day, it can change their outlook, their point of view, their life and it will change your life too. Colossians 3:12  tells us,

 "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, and humility"

I don't know about you but I barely posses half of these. (I know I'm horrible) but I realize where I need to change and from this point forward I will be working on it.

As Christians our great commission is to reach souls yet we sike ourselves out with it when in reality all it takes is simply showing kindness and compassion and we could reach souls daily.